


Unsaid

by Imaginative_Spirit



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Again... why are these two so bad at talking to each other in everything I write, Communication Failure, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, M/M, Sephiroth is a Mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:27:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21784429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imaginative_Spirit/pseuds/Imaginative_Spirit
Summary: In Nibelheim, saying "I love you" is something better left unsaid, something too sacred to throw around in casual conversation. Cloud has never thought twice about it, always preferring to show his affection through actions rather than words.Unfortunately, nobody had the foresight to tell Sephiroth about this.
Relationships: Sephiroth/Cloud Strife
Comments: 22
Kudos: 349





	Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> I was struck by this idea so hard that I just HAD to write it, whoops
> 
> Set in some sort of vaguely canon-divergent AU where the Nibelheim mission didn't happen, Cloud got into SOLDIER and befriended and eventually started dating Sephiroth, I don't know, don't ask me about the details
> 
> General warning for Sephiroth being a total disaster who can't deal with his own emotions

Sephiroth wondered what he was doing wrong. His and Cloud’s relationship had had a bit of a rocky start – mostly due to the fact that they were both socially inept and awkward – but with some coaxing from Zack, they’d managed to get over the initial step of actually getting together, and things had sailed more smoothly from there. Neither of them had been in a serious relationship before, so at first, it was hard to place what exactly it was that felt off.

It started one late Saturday night. Cloud had fallen asleep next to him on the couch, his head resting comfortably against Sephiroth’s shoulder. The TV was on, but Sephiroth was paying more attention to Cloud than anything else. Cloud looked so sweet when he was asleep – not that he didn’t when he was awake, but there was something about this completely relaxed state that made Sephiroth feel more relaxed as well. He tilted his head to the side so that he could rest his cheek against the top of Cloud’s head and absentmindedly gazed towards the screen. A movie was playing, but he had no idea what was happening in it. Upon further inspection, it seemed like the heroine was confessing her love to her brooding love interest.

“I love you!” she called after him as he rode off on his Chocobo. There were tears in her eyes and her hair was whipping in the wind. Unnecessary, overdramatic drivel, Sephiroth thought and reached to grab the remote from Cloud’s lap so that he could get it out of his sight. Now that he was in an actual relationship, he had a better understanding of what romance was actually like. Cloud would never be so needlessly dramatic, Cloud would never…

…Cloud had never said _I love you_ to him. Sephiroth froze. Something unpleasant made itself known in his chest, but he quickly, mercilessly squashed it down. They had only been dating for a couple of months. It was unrealistic to place such expectations on Cloud. Sephiroth had never said it to Cloud either, after all… He finally got his hands on the remote and turned the TV off.

“Hey… I was watching that”, Cloud murmured, slightly incoherent.

“Liar. You were asleep”, Sephiroth mumbled back. Cloud made an even more incoherent noise and nestled further into Sephiroth’s side. He was always a lot cuddlier when he was sleepy. Sephiroth found himself smiling despite himself, managing to push his worries aside in favour of scooping Cloud up into his arms to carry him to bed. The soft little noise Cloud made as he snuggled against Sephiroth’s chest was enough to make him forget about it completely.

For the next few weeks, Sephiroth and Cloud barely got to see each other. Sephiroth was assigned a set of missions on the Northern Continent, and once he finally returned, he found out that the Company had sent Cloud to Junon on an assignment to help training the newest set of SOLDIER 3rds. It left Sephiroth to spend all his time off work alone in his apartment, which wasn’t usually a problem because he didn’t mind solitude… only this time, he started overthinking.

Was there some crucial detail to progressing a relationship that he was missing? How did one go about confessing one’s love anyway? Was there a certain timeframe required, or a certain situation during which it should be done? He tried to do actual research about it, but found absolutely no helpful scientific material in the Shinra library.

In the end, he came to the conclusion that he needed to take direct action. If he said it first, then surely Cloud would respond in turn. Cloud was like that sometimes; uncertain, needing someone else to take the lead… He’d gotten better at it since they first started dating; he was getting less insecure and more assertive, which was something Sephiroth definitely approved of. But maybe with something this intimate, he needed Sephiroth to lay the first stone, so to speak.

The opportunity came a few nights later, when he was woken up in the middle of the night by Cloud crawling into bed and pressing cold hands against his back. Sephiroth rolled over to glare at Cloud, earning a playful grin in return.

“Hey. It’s been a while”, Cloud said, eyes lidded, his grin growing wider. “I missed you.” Oh, Sephiroth knew that expression.

“Missed me, or certain parts of me?” he retorted.

“Hmm…” Cloud trailed a finger down Sephiroth’s bare chest as he shifted closer. “All of you, of course. But…” His hands drifter lower, tracing the waist of Sephiroth’s sweatpants. “…maybe I’ve missed some parts more than others.”

“You’re insatiable…” Sephiroth sighed and allowed Cloud to have his way.

They ended up with Cloud sprawled out on his back on the bed, making the most delightful little noises as Sephiroth rocked into him. Sephiroth watched Cloud’s face contort in unabashed pleasure and realised that he wanted, more than anything, to make it clear to Cloud how he felt. And this… This felt like a good moment.

“I love you, Cloud”, Sephiroth whispered. Cloud looked up at him in silence, smiling all the way to his eyes, and pulled Sephiroth down for a searing kiss.

It was fine in the heat of the moment, but after they finished and settled into bed next to each other for sleep, it began to creep up on him. One moment, Sephiroth was perfectly content to lie there, curled around Cloud, and the next, he just felt… nauseous. Strange. He usually only felt like this after lab appointments.

“What’s wrong?” Cloud’s voice was muffled, his face pressed against Sephiroth’s collarbone.

“I don’t know”, Sephiroth murmured as Cloud’s hands came up to pet his hair. “I think I might be coming down with something…” Probably not. He was too enhanced to catch most common diseases.

“We could both call in sick tomorrow”, Cloud mumbled. “Stay in bed all day. Just cuddle.”

“Your work ethic is horrible.”

“No, you’re the one who takes work too seriously”, Cloud said, suppressing a laugh. “I just wanna spend time with you… It was so lonely without you in Junon…” His fingers scratched behind Sephiroth’s ear, just the way Sephiroth liked it. It made Sephiroth relax enough to slowly allow him to drift off to sleep… but the thought still remained, lingering in the back of his mind. Cloud hadn’t said it back. Why hadn’t he said it back?

Nightmares were a common occurrence for Sephiroth. Most of the time, they were about the war, or about his childhood in the labs, but that night, he had a dream that he came home to an empty apartment. Empty in a way it hadn’t been since Cloud had moved in; everything felt too sterile, too clean, all the things Cloud tended to leave scattered around the apartment were just… gone. The rest of the details were blurry, except for the overwhelming, painful emotions it left him with. He vaguely recalled desperately calling for Cloud to please, just please come back, he didn’t want to be alone anymore, it hurt _so much_ –

He woke up trembling, barely able to breathe, and it took him an embarrassingly long time to gather himself enough to dare to open his eyes. When he finally did so, he found Cloud’s side of the bed empty. For one brief moment, he felt like an invisible weight was pressing down on him, until the door to the bedroom opened and Cloud stepped inside, carrying a tray.

“I thought we could have breakfast in bed this morning!” Cloud said and sat down next to Sephiroth on the bed, tray in his lap. “I made scrambled eggs and I was going to make pancakes as well, but I ended up running out of eggs because, you know, I already used them up, and…” He cut his own rambling off, giving Sephiroth a concerned look. “You okay, Seph? Did you have a nightmare? I know you don’t like talking about it, but…”

“I’m fine”, Sephiroth said automatically, like he always did when Cloud asked about his nightmares, and forced all the leftover emotions from his nightmare back down, down where no one would see them.

“Okay, if you say so.” Cloud picked a cup up from the tray and handed it to Sephiroth. “I made you tea as well.” Sephiroth took a sip. It was the exact blend he’d been craving, the one he usually made for himself whenever he woke up in the middle of the night after a nightmare. Cloud had even remembered to add honey.

“Thank you. It’s… just how I like it”, he murmured, and immediately felt like it was an inadequate way to express his gratitude. But Cloud beamed at him anyway.

“You know, when I first came to join Shinra, I didn’t expect I’d actually get the chance to serve you breakfast one day.” He moved the tray from his lap into Sephiroth’s and crawled closer, draping an arm around Sephiroth’s waist and leaning his head against Sephiroth’s shoulder, offering Sephiroth a small smile. It should have been sweet, but for some reason, it made Sephiroth feel incredibly on edge.

“I hope you didn’t put sugar into the scrambled eggs instead of salt this time”, Sephiroth said, hoping that changing the topic would help.

“Hey, I only did that once!”

Nevertheless, Cloud’s words lingered with him for the rest of the day. Maybe Cloud was still, on some level, putting him on a pedestal. A part of Sephiroth liked it better that way. It felt safer like that, with a certain amount of distance. Sephiroth was powerful, untouchable, invulnerable, and Cloud would never be able to reach him completely. This, he could deal with. He was used to it. This was just what their relationship was like.

But as the weeks went by, he found he couldn’t let it go. He found himself overanalysing everything Cloud did in in search of an explanation, and ended up realising just how badly he needed Cloud to just… say it back. The more he thought about it, the more he began to feel like it was his fault, somehow. Was he not doing a good enough job being Cloud’s boyfriend? He was always busy with work, he couldn’t take Cloud out for dates in public because of his zealous fans, he tended to leave it to Cloud to initiate intimacy… On some level, he knew he was probably overthinking it, but the thoughts had already sunk their claws into him and wouldn’t let go.

It became harder for him to be around Cloud, because he had to spend every moment acting like nothing was wrong, which consequently made him feel guilty because he was definitely being a bad boyfriend now, wasn’t he? It was easier to avoid Cloud than to confront him, because what was he even supposed to say? He didn’t want to break up, because despite everything, he did still love Cloud deeper than he’d even known he was capable of.

But it just kept getting worse, to the point that one evening, he wasn’t sure he would be able to keep hiding it anymore. His own emotions had spiralled completely out of control and turned against him. How could he ever have deluded himself into thinking that Cloud would be able to love someone like him? He was bad at showing affection, didn’t know how to be emotionally open, and they couldn’t make their relationship public due to how famous he was. He felt unlovable. He felt like a monster.

“Is everything okay? You’ve been so quiet tonight”, Cloud said as they were getting into bed. Sephiroth flinched as Cloud reached out to touch him lightly on the shoulder. It was the breaking point. He couldn’t even handle Cloud touching him anymore; where were they supposed to go from here? The words left his mouth before he could really help himself.

“We should break up, Cloud.” 

“Huh?” Cloud looked genuinely confused and withdrew his hand. “I must’ve heard that wrong, you…”

“We should break up, because you don’t love me.” He wished he didn’t have to see the way Cloud’s confusion shifted into hurt.

“You… What are you saying? Did I… did I do something wrong?”

He didn’t want to have to say it again, because his throat felt oddly tight and he could see Cloud’s expression turning more and more distraught, so he squeezed his eyes shut and turned away.

“No, seriously, Sephiroth”, Cloud whispered, his hands coming up to touch Sephiroth’s cheeks. “Why would you ever think that I don’t love you?”

He didn’t know how to voice all the thoughts drifting around in his head, of how deeply ingrained into his mind the idea that he was unlovable truly was, so instead he could feel his heart starting to race, his breaths getting quicker. He needed to get away, couldn’t let Cloud see him like this –

“Don’t touch me”, he managed to choke out and pushed Cloud’s hands off as he scrambled to get out of bed. Oh, gods, he couldn’t hide his emotions like this, Cloud would see how weak and pathetic he truly was –

He made for the door, but Cloud leapt in to block his attempt to escape. For a moment, Sephiroth considered pushing him aside, but then he actually looked at Cloud’s face.

“Wait! You don’t actually want to break up with me, right?” Cloud’s voice was small, his eyes were wide and his lips trembling.

Of course he didn’t. He wanted… no, he didn’t know what he wanted, he needed to calm down, but he couldn’t, and Cloud’s expression just made him feel even more like the scum of the earth. Sephiroth stumbled backwards and sat down on the bed again, feeling too dizzy to stand. He still couldn’t seem to catch his breath, and now Cloud was walking towards him again, sitting down next to him on the bed, and… not touching this time. Just watching, with those sad, sad eyes…

“No, I don’t–!” His breath caught in his throat. He didn’t want to break up, but he also didn’t want to have to keep pretending that he was all right, and now he’d upset Cloud too – what was he supposed to do?

“Sephiroth!” Cloud snapped, probably harsher than he’d intended, since he flinched after saying it and when he spoke again, his voice was much softer. “Just breathe, Seph. Breathe with me… Shh…” And then Cloud was taking his hand, running fingers over his knuckles but otherwise keeping his distance, being so overwhelmingly careful and gentle that Sephiroth didn’t know how to deal with it at all.

“Cloud, I…” he managed to choke out, only to have Cloud softly shush him again. They sat in silence for a while, with Sephiroth doing his best to match his harrowing breaths with Cloud’s. Even when he finally got his breathing under control, it took Sephiroth an awfully long time to tear his gaze off their intertwined hands and actually dare to look up at Cloud again.

“You okay?” Cloud asked, sounding so heartbreakingly worried that it made Sephiroth feel shame deep in his gut. He nodded despite himself, and Cloud managed a shaky smile and began to move to get up. “Do you… want me to go make you some tea?”

“Please don’t leave”, Sephiroth whispered, his voice hoarse. He felt so raw, so exposed, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to take it if Cloud walked away right now, even though he’d been trying to put distance between them just a while ago.

“…Okay. Okay, I won’t, then”, Cloud said and sat right back down, grasping Sephiroth’s hand again, picking up his gentle stroking of it. He peered at Sephiroth nervously. “Now that you’ve calmed down a bit, can you… please just explain how you got it into your head that I don’t love you? What did I do?”

“I don’t… I don’t know how to explain”, Sephiroth whispered. There was no way to say this that didn’t require a level of vulnerability he was uncertain how to express, but Cloud was giving him such a patient, soft look that it suddenly didn’t seem to matter. “Recently, I’ve… been feeling like I’m not worthy of your love.”

“What?” Cloud’s jaw dropped. “But… why wouldn’t you be worthy? You’re amazing. You’re perfect. You’re the Great Sephiroth and I’m just some nobody.”

“That’s what you say, but…” Sephiroth let out a bitter laugh. “…I certainly don’t feel that way about myself.” Cloud didn’t say anything, just stared at him in bewilderment, so he took it as a sign to elaborate. “I never have time for you. I’m cold. I’m distant. I… I’m barely even human.”

“Oh, Seph…” Why did Cloud still look like he was about to start crying…? “I’ve been an awful boyfriend.” He sounded so resigned, so utterly convinced by it. Sephiroth felt the nausea welling up again. He knew Cloud’s self-esteem wasn’t the best, but Sephiroth had always tried his best to build up Cloud’s confidence… and now he was tearing it down.

“What? No, you haven’t, Cloud. You’re perfect, I love you, that’s not what I was trying to…”

“I’ve been making you feel unloved! How is that not awful?” Cloud took a shaky breath, clearly trying very hard to stay calm. “You’re so good to me and you’re always helping me feel so much better about myself, and I’ve never even realised that you were suffering!”

“I haven’t been suffering. I’ve always felt like this about myself, Cloud. It’s nothing new.”

“But that just makes it worse! Oh gods, I didn’t…” Cloud took a deep breath and let out a nervous laugh. “Of course I love you, you dork. I’ve adored you from the moment we first met. I thought I was making it clear enough.”

…He said it, just like that. As if it was the easiest and most obvious thing in the world. Cloud loved him. Cloud _loved_ him, had done so all along… even when they’d just been awkward acquaintances pushed together by Zack wanting his two best friends to get to know each other… This had taken a completely different route than he had expected.

“But… you never said it”, Sephiroth said, feeling dumbfounded more than anything else.

“Said it?” Cloud looked genuinely confused. “Said what?”

“That you love me.”

“Oh. Well, uh…” Cloud scratched the back of his head, looking rather sheepish. “We kinda… don’t really do that stuff, in Nibelheim. It’s like… too sacred to say out loud. You know how they say, actions speak louder than words? It’s… easier for me to just… show how I feel in other ways. But I guess I wasn’t doing that as well as I thought, huh…”

“No, you… you’re doing it just fine, I just…” Sephiroth still wasn’t completely certain how to explain it. “I suppose I was… feeling insecure, because you weren’t saying it out loud. I’m… bad at reading social cues. I don’t have any experience with… any of this, so I don’t know what to look for.” He hated admitting it. Hated admitting his own weakness. Surely Cloud would look down on him now. But no – Cloud was…

“…Oh.” Cloud was turning bright red. “I guess… culture shock aside, I was just scared you’d find it cheesy and annoying… You always act so cool and dignified that I thought you’d like it better if I didn’t say it… even though you said it first so that’s really stupid of me…” He let out another nervous laugh. “I never thought you’d be feeling insecure too.”

“I want to… no, I think I need to hear you say it”, Sephiroth confessed. Breaking down his barriers, letting Cloud know that he wanted this emotional intimacy… it was terrifying, but exhilarating at the same time. “It’s… not going to feel real to me, otherwise. Cloud, you could tell me a thousand times and I wouldn’t get tired of it.”

“Oh Seph”, Cloud whispered breathlessly. “I’m so sorry, I had no idea.”

“Don’t be sorry”, Sephiroth said immediately. “Like I said, it’s not your fault that I feel like this.” Maybe one day, he would be able to open up to Cloud properly about his past, but right now, this conversation had left him with bone-deep exhaustion.

“Can I give you a hug now?” Cloud asked quietly. Hesitantly, Sephiroth nodded.

“I think I might need one”, he admitted. Even that felt new. Cloud didn’t hesitate for a moment; he pulled Sephiroth into a tight hug that Sephiroth returned just as eagerly, not even realising how desperate he’d been for Cloud to touch him until it was already happening.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Seph. I’m sorry for not making it clear enough for you”, Cloud murmured. “I thought you knew. I really did. I’ll make sure to tell you I love you more often in the future, okay?”

“Okay”, Sephiroth replied quietly. He felt tears prickling his eyes and pressed his face down against Cloud’s shoulder, trying his damnedest to hold them back, but a few managed to slip out anyway, soaking Cloud’s shirt. If Cloud noticed, he didn’t comment on it.

“I love you”, he murmured into Sephiroth’s ear instead. “I love you so much and I promise I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear it. You’ve made me so happy and I want you to be happy too.”

“You… You do make me happy, Cloud.” Sephiroth wondered why he’d even doubted Cloud in the first place. In hindsight, Cloud had definitely been doing his best to show Sephiroth that he cared all along. It felt silly that he’d spent weeks worrying about this and thrown such a fit over it when it should have been obvious to begin with.

“If you’re beating yourself up over this, stop”, Cloud said, as if he’d read Sephiroth’s mind. “I get it. I really do. It must’ve been really hard for you to bring this up, right? I’m glad you told me.”

“Why would you be glad to see me behave like…” He wasn’t sure what word to use, and whatever he was supposed to say died on his lips anyway when one of Cloud’s hands found its way to his hair and began combing through it.

“I’m glad I know how you feel now, even if I didn’t find out in the most elegant way.”

“You… enjoy knowing that I felt insecure?” It was hard for him to rationalise. Why would Cloud ever want to see the ugly side of him?

“Um, it’s more like… you’re always putting up this front of perfection, you know? You act all tough and stoic, like you’re completely indestructible.”

“Yes. It’s how I’m supposed to act”, Sephiroth said.

“Well… I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide that you’re upset, at least not from me. I don’t want you to feel miserable because I did something wrong and you can’t bring yourself to tell me.” Cloud pulled away from Sephiroth so that he could look him in the eye to offer him a beaming smile. “I feel like I know you a bit better, now!”

“You want… to know me.”

“Of course! I want to know everything about you! As long as you’re willing to share, that is.” If there had been any lingering fears left in Sephiroth’s mind that Cloud was just stringing him along for his own convenience, those were all gone now. If Cloud truly wanted to know even the worst parts of him, that could only be explained by the fact that Cloud, for some unfathomable reason, actually loved him.

“I’ll… try to do better, then”, he said, hoping that he would be able to keep that promise.

“I’ll try to do better too”, Cloud murmured. “C’mon, let’s go to bed now. I want to give you a good cuddle to make you feel better.” 

Within minutes, they were lying in bed, with Cloud, true to his word, rubbing Sephiroth’s back soothingly with one hand while his other hand was resting on Sephiroth’s cheek as they exchanged countless soft little kisses. It was starting to make a bit more sense to Sephiroth, now that he was aware of it. He could feel Cloud’s affections seeping through every touch; all those unsaid little declarations of love that he’d never noticed before suddenly seemed so obvious.

“Cloud?” he whispered, oddly breathless.

“Yeah?”

“Let’s call in sick tomorrow.”

Cloud laughed, and kissed Sephiroth again. That was a good enough answer too, even without words.


End file.
